Bigger Hammers Develop Bigger Nails: Why Parents Should Not Take Things Personally
If you are wondering where your daughter got her Oscars-worthy back talk, remember that you both have lived under the same roof for the longest time. And during those years, she was able to pick up a few things here and there about you and the things that make you tick. Children are very adaptive and observant to their environment. While growing up, they learned how and what buttons to push.
Almost all parents try to control their emotions and bite their lips. However, there are some parents who are not really good at holding back and unleash their inner monsters quite easily. If you are one of the many parents whose weakness is poor emotion control, you are not alone.
Losing your temper can result to a lot of awful and violent things such as yelling at them, calling them names, slamming things in front of them, resorting to bigger consequences than needed, and exempting them from their basic needs like missing dinner as a form of punishment.
Tension happens between parent and child almost every day, about almost everything – from getting dressed, finishing their potatoes, not sticking with the rules, to being verbally disrespectful. As children become teenagers, the problems escalate into issues concerning socializing, behavior outside the house, helping with household chores, and dishonesty.
Parents usually get angry with their kids because sometimes, they get tangled in power struggles with their children. And no matter how young or how old your child is, the moment you get yourself in that setup, your emotions will get more complicated and you will find it more difficult to free yourself from it.
If losing your temper was effective, parenting would have been such an easy endeavor. All we have to do is wait until our child gets extremely annoying, shout at him for a while, and he will grow up to be a respectful and responsible adult.
Taking things personally every time your child does something wrong is counterproductive. It is ineffective because the main cause of the problem gets lost in the heat of the argument and remains unsolved after everything has been said and done. When you lose your temper, your child gets your empty power thrusts, instead of learning the essential problem solving skill.
If your solution every time your child misbehaves is pound him with a bigger hammer, he will only grow and become a bigger nail. You have to understand that learning how to solve problems and control emotions are the things that you child needs to learn from you during childhood. If you do not teach him that, nobody will pick up the pieces for you.
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